7 February 1989
In the ambulance on the way to Notre-Dame Hospital,
– The Eternal Father said: “You are getting closer to the cross.”
15 March 1989
The Eternal Father is thankful for this Eucharist celebrated in his dwelling.
(Fr. Foley, s.j . lives in London)
– The Eternal Father: “I bless my son in a special manner because he believes in what the Virgin Mary is doing for her children on earth. And also because he believes in what we are doing in you (Georgette Faniel), poor little servant. I bless all three of you (Fr. Foley, Father Guy, Georgette) and I accept you as priests and victims till the last host that will be consecrated on earth.”
N.B. Voice of the Eternal Father that Georgette heard during communion. This was when Father Foley was giving communion with the Precious Blood of Jesus.
– The Eternal Father said: “I love him
-because he is a priest
-because he believes in Medjugorje
-because he believes in what God is doing in Georgette.”
12 Juin 1989
– Mimi: (speaking to the statue of the Blessed Virgin that we place on the altar for mass.)
– Mimi: “Would you make yourself lightweight so that I may carry you?”
Answer :
– Mary: “I cannot be lightweight for I am carrying the cross of my Son and of all humanity; ask rather the Celestial Court to help you.”
Mimi thanked her and asked for the help from the Celestial Court.
8 July 1989
Birthday of Mimi
(We had met without interruption 8 persons from Vermont).
– Mimi to the Eternal Father:
“Are you pleased with us?”
– The Eternal Father: “It was the present that I reserved for your anniversary. Your mission is greater in a sense than the seers of Medjugorje; because of the moral responsibility that you have in directing souls, in order to lead them to the Father. As for them, with the messages, they are leading souls to Mary! May everything be for the glory of the Father! Thank you for your spirit of self-sacrifice,for your openness in receiving the souls that I have chosen and sent to you. Your public life is well underway. Thanksgiving for all that was received on this blessed day.”
27 August 1989
The First Fall.
4 September 1989
– Jesus: “You haven’t finished ascending calvary and in order to reach calvary, I fell three times. You had a physical fall, your first.”
– Mimi: “Will there be other falls?”
– Jesus: “Yes, they will be worse, for it will be on the spiritual level. You will despair, for you will be in the dark. Do you accept?”
– Mimi: “ ‘Yes’, even in my subconscious.”
– Jesus: “The third fall will be in my arms. At that moment, you shall have accomplished the three agonies of the heart, soul and spirit. And for me, it is agony not to have you near me forever. The Church and the Holy Father need your sufferings to save souls. Accept everything and give thanks.
“This fall will wound you like a dart of love. It will be our perfect union of the soul with God.”
5 September 1989
Mimi at Notre-Dame Hospital underwent a tomography. She felt like she was dying.
– Jesus: “No, I didn’t die before three o’clock. I remained 3 hours on the cross before dying. Continue to offer up everything; forget yourself, think of me and of souls. Give glory to the Eternal Father in your sufferings.
“It is a gift, you have received the royal gift of the cross. Be forever thankful. The more you suffer, the more we are united.”
14 September 1989
Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross.
Notre-Dame Hospital
– Mimi: “Jesus, I am once again in the hospital. A test to see how this poor heart is functioning. I hope that this intense pain caused by the permanent transfixion will remain hidden to human eyes.”
24 September 1989
During the night.
– The Eternal Father: “The second fall will officially take place on the 27th of September 89. You must accept everything, especially out of love.”
26 September 1989
(Night)
– Jesus: “Detach yourself more from everything. On my cross, I was totally detached. The detachment that my Father was asking me, was to detach myself from my Divine Mother. When I was on the cross, the tears of blood didn’t allow me to see my Mother. There was a veil over my eyes. How I would have liked to see the gentle look of my Mother. It was impossible for the Father was asking me to be detached from this.
“There was the detachment from my works, my preaching, my miracles, teachings, friends, the apostles. My only look was towards the Eternal Father in order to offer up everything.”
27 September 1989
Second fall.
1st October 1989
Mimi returns to the hospital.
– Jesus: “You will not come back from where you were.My Beloved, you are advancing more rapidly towards the cross. Accept everything in spite of the state of your soul. No one can understand this sorrow, this calvary that is going on in your soul, within you. Your smile can deceive, but not your eyes. This look turned towards the cross expresses the abandonment and love in suffering.”
In the ambulance close to 7h p.m.
– Mimi: “I am once again at Notre-Dame Hospital. Jesus, I accept and give you thanks. If I listened to my personal preference, I would have remained at home in your dwelling. What will my stay at the hospital reserve for me?
– Jesus: “My Beloved, it will reserve for you my Holy Will.”
Monday 2 October 1989
– Mimi: “Jesus, stay with me.”
10h a.m. Electrocardiogram
X rays of lungs and thorax
Visit of Doctor Fortier.
– Jesus: “Thank you, my Beloved for offering up so much suffering. This human misery, these sufferings that you present to us each day in the name of all who are sick throughout the world. It is a holocaust of love that you are offering to the Father to glorify him.
“It is the offering of Jesus with his little victim, that I receive constantly through the powerful hands of Mary Queen of Peace. If you could see for a moment the happiness of the Eternal Father, the joy of Mary. In the deepest moment of your pain, the Celestial Court replaces you in offering. Thank you for everything. Courage!”
3 October 1989
– Mimi: “My God, all for you and thank you, Jesus, Mary please help me. I am beginning my day.”
– Jesus: “My Beloved, you should rather say that we are beginning our day for we are both suffering and on our cross, to glorify our Father and save a great number of souls; to sustain the Holy Father; for Medjugorje.”
5h30 : blood test.
10h : visit of the cardiologist.
– Jesus: “My Beloved, take courage. I do not forbid you to cry on my heart. Never doubt that Mary is always protecting you.”
4 October 1989
Feast of Saint Francis of Assisi.
– Mimi: “Jesus, why are you hiding? When I need you most. This room at the hospital is like a cell! Help me live with the sufferings of others. Help me better understand the value of the cross. Today I find the pain of the cross heavy. I have trouble offering it. I don’t even have the strength to cry and my heart aches a lot. I am heavy-hearted. Jesus, you went through these hours of agony. There was this angel to console you. But, for me, where is this angel?”
Fr. G. arrives at this moment.
– Mimi: “Jesus, why is your heart so cold when I wish to rest a little. I cannot understand your Love. Do I have to give up looking for your Love? I have nothing left. Complete emptiness. Yet, in spite of all this, I force myself to say : thank you.”
5 October 1989
Notre-Dame Hospital.
– Mimi: “My God, it feels like my soul is detaching itself from my body. My spirit no longer answers my will to accept eveything. In spite of the beautiful sun, everything is dark. I have a great need for truth, love and peace. How much longer will I be without light. Jesus, have you become insensitive to my cry of distress? Are you asking me to detach myself from the consolations you used to give me freely and that sustained me in difficult moments? I have nothing left. I don’t even have faith in the Alliance. If I could only believe in what God is asking me. I don’t like living this useless life without love, without a goal, without an ideal! Why continue to lie to everyone, even to myself? I can no longer endure this life. I would prefer ending it. Why live in such a state for others?”
6 October 1989
Notre-Dame Hospital, Friday.
– Mimi: Since 4h30 a.m., I have been unable to sleep, however with Mary, I offered everything and in my pain (physical, moral and spiritual) I gave thanks to the Eternal Father.
10h : greetings.
11h : Departure from my room 2104 for a test, tube in my throat to my choledoque.
– Mimi: “Thank you, my God. Father Guy is near me to help me offer everything up. I knew that Armand was also offering. During the test I was praying! Jesus asked me to offer everything up to sustain the Holy Father during his trip to Seoul; to atone for priests leaving the priesthood; for my own sins; for the sins of humanity, etc., without forgetting the seers (Medjugorje). Thank you Jesus, with Mary suffering on the same cross, I could allow myself to die of love. I am suffering a lot. I cannot continue to write. Doctor Fortier told me that it would take 48 hours before having the results. God’s will be done.”
– The devil said to her: “You will choke to death, I will choke you, people will believe that it is an accident.”
7 October 1989
Notre-Dame Hospital. Saturday, Our Lady of the Rosary.
– Mimi: “Happy Feast Day, Mary. How I would love to be near you to place a gentle kiss on your forehead. My God, I thank you for helping me offer everything up. This “yes” that you expect at each moment of my life. With Mary and Jesus, we want to offer everything for your greater glory. Before this cortege of human misery, this moral suffering of thousands of human beings, I feel so little. This is why I offer the Passion of Jesus, the sorrows of Mary, in order to glorify you. Thank you for all that you are doing within me for a greater purification that I don’t understand, but that I must accept out of love. I beg you, I beg you to heal all these sick people. I am confident. You are the same Jesus who used to heal. I cry out to you! Have mercy on us.”
Sunday 8 October 1989
Notre-Dame Hospital.
– Mimi: “Thank you my God for this day. Jesus, please give me the strength and courage to accept the Holy Will of our Father in all things. The more the suffering becomes intense, the more I wish to cooperate with you in saving souls and at the same time, I feel weak, useless. Without a special grace, I cannot reach calvary with my cross in spite of my good will. Each day I feel that my strength is diminishing. How much time remains for me to live?”
– Jesus: “My Beloved, I would like your mortal life to be immortal, so great is your mission. This is why I embedded the Alliance in your body. Never forget that We are two. With Mary, let us glorify the Eternal Father!”
Monday 9 October 1989
Thanksgiving
– Mimi: “Yes, my God, thanksgiving for everything, especially for your love, for your infinite mercy; thanksgiving for giving us Mary, for giving us Jesus, for allowing the Holy Spirit to be always within us! Most Holy Father, thanksgiving for the sufferings that you allow for a greater purification. Thank you for the weight of the cross, for the state of the soul in which you place me. Thank you for keeping me on the cross. Thank you for having me share the sufferings of the sick. Thank you for hiding my pain and sufferings by showing a calm and smiling face. Without a special grace, I would be crying all the time. My God, look upon your little servant, please help me. I can’t go on. Thank you for allowing me to write.”
Tuesday 10 October 1989
Notre-Dame Hospital.
– Mimi: “My God, I am suffering interiorly but the physical pain is more intense. What gives me the courage and strength to accept the present situation is the grace that God places in my poor soul. In spite of everything, I want to believe! Yes, to believe that this state in which God places me helps in the salvation of souls. I feel nothing. It is human emptiness. I hang onto Jesus begging him to keep me in his infinite mercy. All I have is my weakness, my cowardice. I can no longer walk,but I drag myself with my cross. The road I have taken seems so long, endless. Jesus! Carry me in your arms. I am afraid of falling and never getting up.”
Mimi should leave the hospital tomorrow after a stomach “scan”.
11 October 1989
– Mimi: “My God, this is the day. Early rise. I must drink 5 cups of a liquid before the test (stomach scan) plus a serum. Give me the strength, I do not want to refuse you anything. I must forget myself and think more about the other patients; that I am carrying the pain and the physical and moral sufferings. I am thinking of the Holy Father, of all that I am carrying in my heart and in my prayers. Jesus! Remember when I was in your arms. I know that you are holding me. Increase my faith, my confidence. Stay with me. I am waiting for them to come and get me. I am thinking of you, Jesus, when you were waiting that I answer your love. Help me to remain faithful to this mission and that all may be to the glory of the Eternal Father and the triumph of Mary Queen of Peace.”
Mimi came home this evening, the 11th of October by ambulance. Father Guy was with her. She is able to get up by herself even though she is very weak.
Notre-Dame Hospital.
– Mimi: “During the scanner test, I give thanks to God for so much suffering for the preparation was very painful; there were mistakes; the needle of the serum was crooked. A second serum : another mistake.”
– Jesus said to me: “My Beloved, offer everything up. Like me with my arms extended on the cross. You resemble me, besides the wounds, you have received crooked needles on the elbows, by placing your arms over your head. This allowed us to receive more acts of love, of suffering.”
– Mimi: “When the time came to enter this (tunnel) scanner, it was for me the tomb. Ô marvellous experience of love in suffering. Alone with you, Jesus, I am so happy. This joy of being with you, on our cross, transported me in a state of soul and spirit that does not resemble joys of the earth. Thank you, Jesus, my joy is so great. If you asked me to be cut into pieces, with your grace, I would say ‘yes’!”
– Jesus: “Thank you, my Beloved, for offering everything up. This month at the hospital with so much suffering was agreeable to us. The Church, the Holy Father, Mary Queen of Peace, received a large share. Our two privileged children, Fr.G. and Fr.A. have received special graces. Tell them that all their sins have been forgiven. We are very happy and consoled that you are walking on the road of Holiness. You must always live closer to Mary, Queen of heaven and earth.”
– Mimi: “Thank you, Jesus. Please help me for I must return home in the dwelling of the Eternal Father. With your grace, I want to remain your little servant. Thank you for my two sons. Jesus, why not tell them yourself this beautiful message?”
– Jesus: “My Beloved, this joy belongs to you.”
Tuesday 12 October 1989
– Mimi: “Thank you, my God, I am still home after a very short night. I could not fall asleep because my soul was full of joy, of thanksgiving for so much love, so much mercy for each one of us. I feel so small. All that I can offer you is by a special grace that I don’t deserve and offer up everything. I know that with faith and confidence, we can obtain everything; but for me, it is your merciful Love that attracts me; it is this gentle crucified Jesus that I want to follow; it is this cross reaching out for me to be with it, on this same cross to be offered with you to the Eternal Father at each mass till the last consecrated host. Most Holy Father, would you bless all those who sustained me with their prayers during these trying times. May all be for your glory and the triumph of Mary Queen of Peace.”
Friday 13 October 1989
– Mimi: “May your Holy Will be done! What’s going on within me, I feel so sad, so ill in spite of people near me saying : ‘How well she looks!’. Thank you, my God, for hiding my suffering.”
– Jesus: “My Beloved, your life as victim is for us and for the Church. The Holy Father John Paul II needs you to sustain him. Like me, he is carrying the cross of the Church, the weight of the world. Don’t forget, you are his spiritual mother. The children you are carrying are also his children since they are the children of God. We entrust you with this mission because you know the value of human suffering and the weight of the cross. We are counting on our little family of the Eternal Father.”
– Mimi: “Thank you, my God, for everything; thank you for so many souls, thank you for those that you prepared for this perfect union. Thank you, Mary, beloved mom.”
Saturday 14 October 1989
– Mimi: “Jesus, were you sleeping last night? I would have liked you to answer my questions. Your silence causes me pain. I hope I didn’t offend you. The period I am going through isn’t easy. I need your help, I feel so alone, abandoned. I am sometimes tempted to ask you why I made a vow that I don’t understand but that I must accept out of love. I hope I will never be separated from your love. I think I would die of grief. For now, I feel so poor, deaf, mute and blind. All that I accept is done with the little faith I have left. I no longer understand your language. If only I could be sure that you are hearing me! I would like to talk to you so much; rediscover our intimacy. I no longer see where I’m going. Mother, please keep me in your motherly arms and let me weep, my heart is aching so much.”
Sunday 15 October 1989
– Mimi: “My God, please come to my aid. You are our Father, it is not negligible, most Holy Father. Why are you also silent? The silence of Jesus makes me suffer so much. It isn’t possible that you no longer want me as your little servant. I’m sorry for not always understanding etc, and accepting out of love what you ask. And yet, from the bottom of my heart I would like to glorify you with Jesus and Mary. I want to believe that you are living in Jesus and that Jesus is living in you, in your merciful love. Mary, please ask for me that this Love of the Eternal Father and of your son Jesus resonate in my soul in order to revive my faith. Revive my love in order to continue my mission of serving God and souls; for the Church, the Holy Father John Paul II, for my crosses (sons), for those you place on my path.”
Monday 16 October 1989
– Mimi: “Another day of solitude. It’s a beautiful day and yet in the deepest regions of my being, there is darkness, uncertainty, doubt, dead silence. Why continue living without a goal, without an ideal. I deserve these sufferings and those of others leave me indifferent. In the state I am in, no one can help me and understand this anguish. I almost regret the time that I give to others. Today, I need help. I have a lot to do, I don’t even have the physicial strength to put things in order. It isn’t a passing fancy for I spent a month in a hospital doing nothing. If at least I believed that everything is not over between us. Yet, I dare knock on the door of your fatherly heart. No answer. Is this silence going to last until I die?”
Tuesday 17 October 1989
– Mimi: “I wonder what I am going to become, sleepless. I am suffering more and more. My poor wounded body can no longer put up with the pain. If I could believe that I am not lost; that this suffering can be useful. I experience nothing. I almost feel hatred when I look at the cross. Why am I so miserable, disagreeable? I feel this rebellion towards those you place on my path to help me. You who are the Truth. You who promised me I would never be alone to suffer! Where are you? And the others, G. and A. F.J., they are like the apostles, asleep or fleeing the danger.
“If you are really my Father, save me! I beg you, Mother Mary, you who protected me all my life, are you going to let me perish without intervening? Am I damned so that God can do nothing for my soul? If this is what is called the second fall, I will remain by myself. I no longer trust anyone.”
Wednesday 18 October 1989
– Mimi: How difficult it is to obey! Yes, I must write. But what ? What I am experiencing, I cannot express it. I have to live it in silence, when I should be crying, weeping because of the moral and physical suffering. My poor heart is hardened before the cross; prayer repels me, even mass that was the center of my life is now for me a ridiculous stage production, words, useless gestures wanting me to believe that God becomes present. I don’t even believe that he is present in me. Why should I oblige myself to believe in spite of the situation? If I were capable, I would curse it all. I cannot understand what is going on. Why can someone damned serve the Church, sustain the Holy Father, etc. I can no longer believe Fr. G and Fr. A! I know that it is their duty to help me. What more can they do? And neither can I do anything for them. It is my turn to give them to the Father. He loves them. As for me, I am nothing.
Thursday 19 October 1989
Upon awakening, great suffering. I can hardly move. All my limbs seem crushed. The least movement causes me pain. If I didn’t have this moral suffering, I would be able to breathe somewhat. But no, everything seems to be against me. Where can I find relief? No one can understand the drama that is going on deep inside my soul. No one is listening. Hearts are closed to any confiding. All that they tell me is : “God went through the same things, you must continue on”. I am dragging myself. “Offer up everything”, when I have nothing to offer. It seems to me that there remains only a few steps before falling into the abyss. I am anxious for this life to be over. If I am damned, the sooner the better. Why live with these sufferings leading to moral death, defeat, despair? God will not have to pass judgment over me. I will be where he rejects me : far from him!
Friday 20 October 1989
– Mimi: Already ten days since my return from the hospital. What trials and sufferings I went through! Today, what I am undergoing is more difficult for there is no remedy for moral suffering. I experience more and more that the little faith I had is no longer there; crushed by the cross, I fall each day in the abyss where I can’t breathe. I feel as if I am dying. I hate the hours I have left to live. I am indifferent to the prayers of Fr.G. and Fr. A. F. and J. and of others. All my life, I have always had someone preventing me from being myself, from living my life freely. When I think of this testimony of lies to harm Medjugorje! It was under the directives of the Evil one that I wrote, his power is so great. Even Fr.G and Fr.A. F. and J were blinded, believing that everything was true and that I was inspired by the Holy Spirit. God knew that all he wanted me to accept out of love, I was unable to do. He has rejected me. I am like Judas. No one can save me, only death.
Saturday 21 October 1989
From the outset of the day, many trials. Very great fatigue. I can hardly walk. I feel rebellion, hatred towards those who want to help me. Words cannot heal me. How can a person intervene to bring peace. If all of this comes from God! I no longer have the courage to continue fighting. I would much prefer to write on another subject, but out of obedience I must write everything. It is an added torment. If I could describe the hell I am in : the deprivation of all intimacy with God; the rejection of Jesus after having experienced his loving embrace; the absence of the Holy Spirit who would inspire me. Loss of peace of heart, of soul, of the spirit. To no longer believe in love through suffering; to experience remorse for my sins.
Evening.
– Mimi: “Thank you, my God, for this ray of sunshine. In his great mercy, I received the sacrament of penance. This drop of water on my wounds helped me. Thank you, my God. Thank you Fr. A., Fr. G.
Sunday 22 October 1989
– Mimi: “Thank you, my God. There is greater calm on the moral side. However I am feeling weak more and more. I offer you my physical and moral weakness. Jesus, would you please embed in my poor heart and in my spirit and will the word ‘thank you’. May each heartbeat be a ‘thank you’ of love, an act of offering and acceptance of the Holy Will of our Father. This grace of purification that I don’t understand, I must accept in all humility, like Jesus and Mary to glorify the Eternal Father.
“I feel like a newborn in the arms of its mother. I can hardly see; I can do nothing on my own, I weep, I am afraid. However, I must abandon myself completely into the arms of Mother Mary who never abandoned a sick child. Mary Queen of Peace, have mercy on your poor little servant. Thank you with this wounded heart.”
Monday 23 October 1989
During mass, at the moment of the offertory, I asked Mary to offer me to the Eternal Father with her Jesus. I felt nothing, total silence. I am walking with my eyes closed, unable to see from being blindfolded.
– Mimi: “My God, I beg you, give me your hand. I hope that in the depths of my misery, there still remains a bit of hope. Jesus, you must be laughing at me, seeing me complain for so little. With your Precious Blood that I am receiving in this state (out of obedience), I am increasing in me the sacrilege. I am completely ruined.
“Why did I accept everything out of love, one day, and make a vow? The first physical fall is not yet healed and now, I have to undergo the second one. How I would like to be able to say ‘Yes’ like Jesus, like Mary. I am mute and blind at the present time, a real human wreck, heartless.”
Tuesday 24 October 1989
– Mimi: I hate writing. There are so many other things more important that I could do. I don’t have the physical strength to put so many things in order. It isn’t easy to see oneself move around like a human wreck. Everything is gone. I no longer have the will to do the least little thing. Everything repels me, disgusts me. What is a life without love, without an ideal? Each day becomes a burden, each step places me before the reality that God has rejected me. All these images that I see confirm this. I see God angry, rejecting me, in spite of Mary’s pleas. Nothing can be done. Even Jesus no longer looks at me. Turning his head away, his look is cold and condemns me.
Wednesday 25 October 1989
– Mimi: When will my eyes be closed to the things of the earth? I don’t even have the joy of thinking that one day they will open to a new life accompanied by eternal happiness. God has rejected me because I did not have enough humility to accept what He was doing in me!
I don’t understand! Why ask me to make a vow and accept all that he was doing in me and that I didn’t understand? It is really stupid, it is ridiculous to live this way! How can I live in peace and have faith in the presence of contradictions, errors, lies? I can’t even begin understanding, it isn’t worth it. It is as if I asked someone who has no legs to walk up the steps of Saint-Joseph Oratory!
Thursday 26 October 1989
– Mimi: It will be already one month tomorrow 27 October that I am experiencing the second fall. I don’t understand what is happening. I am constantly watched. It is like in a time of war. The Gestapo. The daily litany : Don’t walk so fast! Use your cane! Be careful! Don’t stand up so long! You must exercise your legs! You should stay in bed and rest! Etc. How long is this going to last? I can’t go on! It makes me angry when I hear people complain about material things. Their head is full of projects; but in the presence of others’ misfortunes, they have no time. I think I had better stop!!!
Friday 27 October 1989
– Mimi: I have trouble getting up. Already two months since my fall with a fractured sternum and two broken ribs. Every part of my poor body is suffering. In the past, I was happy to offer everything to God. I wanted to identify myself with Jesus, simply out of love. But now, I realize it was but a dream, an illusion. I believed my own lies. I no longer have the strength to fight. And why should I? I have nothing to lose, I am already in this state of the soul in which there is no hope; everything is dark. If only there was a small ray of hope, of light, but no, always this darkness, this abyss. I know that this gesture will be my loss, no matter, God rejects me, so I must have the courage to destroy this Alliance, to make it disappear from my eyes, by a wound or by other means.
What does this day have in store for me? In spite of being very weak, I must hide all that is going on in me, physical and moral suffering. I feel disgust living in a dead body. I ask myself what I am doing on earth. I no longer have interest in hearing conversations, peoples’ stories. Everything is empty. I have no ideal to live. Death would be so easy, but I don’t dare commit suicide from fear of not succeeding. I hear this voice in critical moments saying :
– Satan: “My Beloved, ask for my help. I am always with you. Don’t fear death. It is only changing your state of life. Why believe in eternal life? It would be so easy for you to say ‘yes’ to me for everything. By rejecting your God, you have a proof that you belong to me forever. I am very pleased. I never reject a soul!”
Sunday 29 October 1989
– Mimi: Being very tired, I would like to rest a little. I have to receive four persons coming from Quebec and Sainte-Thérèse.
These two hours were to me like a day. I didn’t understand what was going on. They were weeping with joy when hearing about the merciful love of the Eternal Father for each one of us, of the love of Mary Queen of Peace, about the importance of the Holy Spirit who lives in each one of us.
I felt like a loud speaker in which frequency is louder than my tone of voice, and in spite of this, the tone remained calm, mysteriously silent, almost majestic. And yet, I was there like a useless instrument, broken, worn out. An instrument of 74 is only good for the dump. If I were a violin, I wouldn’t say the same thing. The older the instrument, the greater the value. This does not prevent me from walking on a tightrope.
Always in a state of uncertainty, without any goal in life. I think I’m going mad. I shouldn’t say ‘I think’. I am already there. God will have pity on an insane person. If I had a folly of the cross and to think that I once believed all this. What a waste of time! And what is there left? Nothing. I have nothing. I am nothing and all I feel is a spirit of hatred. Yes, a desire to destroy everything around me. I detest those around me. I don’t believe what they say. I don’t trust them. Words! Words! I don’t know what to do with their promises. ‘We are with you’, they tell me. ‘We’re going to help you’. And nothing happens. ‘If you need us, let us know’ When I need something, no one is there. It isn’t fair! Sometimes, I am tempted to turn a deaf ear to their demands.
Tuesday 31 October 1989
– Mimi: Out of obedience, I write to say that I have not written. Goodnight Fr. G., Fr. A.
Wednesday 1st November 1989
– Mimi: How I would like to be joyful and celebrate the beautiful feast of All Saints!
I feel very sad; my soul is dead. Why am I like this? I am disgusted with prayer. I hate everything that is beautiful. And yet, in this abyss of misery, I feel numb, unable to move towards the surface. My eyes remain closed in darkness. No glimmer of hope, my will loses itself. I can’t survive in all of this. Has God created me to be lost? Or must I continue to live in this state in order to lose other souls? I no longer know where I am going! What more can I do? The answer is always ‘nothing’, ‘nothing’. It’s all over for you. I took advantage of graces and now I am receiving the chastisement I deserve.
Thursday 2 November 1989
– Mimi: I no longer have the strength to write these lies!
If Fr.A and Fr.G. are stupid enough to believe everything about me, it isn’t my fault! But their responsibility will be great before God for having misled the public with false testimonies concerning my life. What an insult to the Virgin Mary and what a scandal for Medjugorje when the truth comes out. Their pride as priests will be punished and a curse will be on all of us. I feel guilty and I am drawing on earth the vengeance of God. This is why he rejects me and damns me forever with those I wanted to save. I can’t continue writing for my heart is full of hatred. And why continue to lie in writing!
Friday 3 November 1989
– Mimi: Is it possible to suffer so much! Since 3h a.m., it seems to me that my poor heart is going to stop beating. It is only towards nine o’clock this morning that I got a bit of relief, after vomiting. I had to stay on an empty stomach all day. I was very weak and the broken ribs made me suffer more. Dr. F. came and helped me a lot to offer everything up. He asked me to remain in bed and to rest. I ask myself where I can rest at the present moment.
Saturday 4 November 1989
– Mimi: I don’t believe that the sternum and ribs will heal. However, I must accept this pain, these sufferings.
I have a feeling of emptiness. A useless life without a goal. All that draws me to what is good, I resist with all my might for a damned person able to fight and win the battle. I believe in the power of my enemy over me. I am walking more and more towards my defeat. I am pleased because I no longer hear the reproaches of God, nor the remarks of Fr. A and Fr. G. and the words of F. I feel cowardly in continuing to write. It would be so much easier to remain silent.
Sunday 5 November 1989
– Mimi: I no longer have the courage to fight! My extreme weakness discourages me. All this darkness. My will seems dead. No human reaction; it is only hatred that gives me the impression that I am alive. This heart that loved God so much has hardened. To continue living I would need a new heart. After all, why live? Why write? I don’t understand anything. Sometimes I ask myself who is inspiring me to write these things? The Evil One or the Holy Spirit? I don’t believe that the Spirit can inspire me to write about the state of my soul, since the Evil One is already present in my mind and my will. If God allows it, I cannot receive any reproaches.
Monday 6 November 1989
– Mimi: As usual, I was feeling weary. Tasteless. Everything I wanted to do was negative. All that I can see without understanding is that I am sinking more and more into this abyss and that in a short while, everything will be of the past. Nothing for heaven, everything is lost with those I must lose for this is my new mission, especially with consecrated souls. Why must I write all these things? It is enough to be subjected to them without having to write about them. In the evening, Fr. A. visits me to help me get my strength back with the sacrament of penance; it wasn’t easy. With faith in his priesthood in which he is confident and God’s help, I find some peace. Since the (2nd) fall (27 Sept.89), I couldn’t sleep. The calm after the storm. I thanked God and asked him to have mercy on me. I would have liked Mary to cradle me a little in order to rest near her Motherly heart. But Mary, before the Holy Will of the Eternal Father, submits and gives thanks for this purification.
Tuesday 7 November 1989
– Mimi: “Thank you my God. During mass celebrated by Fr. G. at the offertory, I felt great peace and at the same time a joy I had never known before. It seemed to me that my poor soul was separated from my poor body and I began to weep. Then, I united myself to God with Fr. G. and Fr. A so that Mary might offer us to the Eternal Father. I would have liked this mass, this offering to last a whole lifetime. How I would have liked to be alone in silence, in peace, but no, I must accept to be welcoming, joyful with those that God places on my path. In spite of this calm, I am suffering physically, the least movement, my body seems broken, my poor heart no longer has a normal heartbeat, no matter, it doesn’t belong to me. I gave everything away out of love.”
Wednesday 8 November 1989
– Mimi: The day got off to a bad start. This constant state of sadness. More and more, I discover within me this misery, this spiritual poverty; the malice of my wounded heart, and yet this wounded heart was for me my strength, for I was certain that our two hearts were beating in unison to glorify the Eternal Father. When I think that I extended my arms towards Jesus crucified to attain the cross, this cross where I wanted to share his sufferings, his pain, so that he would not die alone. I wanted to be with him, in him, to live and die of love to glorify the Eternal Father. Why, today, do I feel so lonely, so far from all this. My will is rebellious, my mind is troubled, my heart is hardened! What is my soul doing at the moment? The answer is always nothing.
Thursday 9 November 1989
– Mimi: How I look forward to a ray of sunshine! Every aggravation saddens me. I would like to reply but unable to say a few words. I feel stupid for not being able to speak freely. In my present state, perhaps it is better this way, for I could become uncharitable. My worst suffering is to accept and thank God for this second (2nd) fall. Yet, I accepted it even in my subconscious when I was suffering so much in the hospital. I look back at what I experienced since this fall of the 27th of August 1989, when I was so happy; the more the pain, the more I felt I was with Jesus on the cross. Today, I realize that it was all false; a dream that would never come true without a miracle of grace. And this grace, I no longer deserve. I abused it too much. I can ask for nothing, nor receive anything except the chastisement I deserve.
Friday 10 November 1989
– Mimi: Each Friday, I suffer more and I ask myself what suffering will be added on. I only have to look at my misconduct, my doubts, my sins and I have the answer. The time seems long. The silence of Jesus adds on a sharper pain to my heart. This heart wounded so many times! How can it still beat without feeling pain, rejection, abandonment? If only I had a glimmer of hope. The tunnel that I must cross seems so long, each day I continue to walk, but today, I am dragging myself. If I could only breathe and hope, but no, always no. I was watching the news on television. I was happy to see this great miracle of the Blessed Virgin (the Berlin wall). Yes, this great miracle of Mary Queen of Peace is a gift from the Eternal Father for the faith that the people kept at the bottom of their souls.
In spite of moral and physical sufferings, they endured it with dignity. Like a mother, Mary delivered her children from slavery and gave them Peace. The Eternal Father was moved by the great respect and especially the great faith and love with which a great number of the German people accepted to publish and read the volume “Mary Queen of Peace, remain with us”. After answering their prayers, Mary showed the world that she protects and sustains those who place their full confidence in God, the Eternal Father. The Eternal Father blesses and places his hand on all those who love Mary and invoke her as “Mary Queen of Peace remain with us”. Yes, we will only have Peace through God, his Son Jesus and Mary, by living in a confident and grateful prayer.
Mary is constantly with us. She still visits us to reunite her children, to offer them to the Father with her Jesus. She intercedes to obtain peace, love, charity for each one of us.
She will be with us till the end of time since she did not leave Jesus at the foot of the cross. And it is by a special privilege that Germany became the second country in the world to publish the testimony “Mary Queen of Peace remain with us”.
- Medjugorje 2- Germany 3- Canada 4- United States.
Other countries will also have peace. Thank you, my God. Thank you, Mary : mass of thanksgiving for all these people.
Mass of thanksgiving and intercession to Mary Queen of Peace. Mass of thanksgiving to Jesus Christ, Christ-the-King for his Merciful Love.
Saturday 11 November 1989
– Mimi: I cannot write as I would like to. Complete emptiness. I seem to be living in a dead body. Where is my spirit? My will can no longer react, nor struggle. The battle is already lost. My poor heart is no longer able to beat!
Evening.
– Mimi: “Thank you, my God. My director, Fr. A. helped me accept everything. The faith in his priesthood is so great, and in spite of all this, I cannot rediscover all this calm for my soul.”
Sunday 12 November 1989
– Mimi: During mass, I felt so unworthy of being offered to the Eternal Father. And for a moment, I also would have wanted to sing praises to God, to Mary. All were singing, Fr. A (R.C. J). The dove was warbling, Pit was singing and I was weeping. I am so exhausted, people don’t know what is going on within me. I am tired of appearing to smile and of remaining calm.
N.B. Pit was a little bird
Monday 13 November 1989
– Mimi: Too sick to write! How long is this second (2nd) fall going to last? If I had some courage to continue my journey, but I must remain to die in my miserable well. Dr. F. came : flu vaccine. Why such dedication that I don’t deserve? However, the reading he made helped me a little. When he spoke to me with such conviction about the love of the Eternal Father, of Mary. It is really the Holy Spirit that lives in him.
Tuesday 14 November 1989
– Mimi: The weather is so sad, no sun, it seems to me that heaven is gloomy and that the blessed are weeping, letting their tears fall upon the earth. I can’t walk. If I could believe that Mary is holding me in her arms, near to her heart, how happy I would be! Why does my will refuse to believe it? What is the Holy Spirit doing? The evil one knows what is happening, he tells me about it.
Wednesday 15 November 1989
– Mimi: It’s raining again! With difficulty, I have tried to put my correspondence in order. I feel more and more guilty for not answering these letters and phone calls. I am so weak. I am so alone, abandoned by everyone. I take the risk of knocking on heaven’s door. Always nothing for me. How can the Eternal Father remain deaf to my calls? I can no longer believe that he hears everything; this teaching is false and I no longer have confidence in it.
Thursday 16 November 1989
It is raining, more wind, the storm is raging inside and outside. If I could have a small ray of sunshine. I’m not asking much.
– Mimi: “My God, how long are you going to be deaf to my calls? You who are supposed to see everything. Would you be blind and not see the deplorable state I am in? What is your Fatherly heart doing? Perhaps you are tired of hearing me complain? You aren’t the only one with this attitude! Your Jesus has gone looking for the wounded sheep in order to heal it. I am wounded physically and morally, am I going to die like this as a lost sheep?”
Friday 17 November 1989
– Mimi: The whole day went bye in great physical and moral suffering. Several times, I had to remain in bed. If only these sufferings could be useful to someone or something. I am not even sure that I will have a third fall. What is the point in believing this; nothing changes the situation.
Saturday 18 November 1989
– Mimi: Fathers G. and A. came to celebrate Holy Mass. I never suffered so much. I had no choice. My heart ached at seeing them pray with so much respect and dignity before the Real Presence. Kneeling before Jesus, they recited fervently the prayer of total giving; a prayer inspired by the Holy Spirit which in the past was my only reason to live; my life was based on this prayer, a gift of the Holy Spirit to little souls. I am unable to hear it without feeling hatred. I hate it so much. I should never have written it down. If I could find a way of destroying it!
Sunday 19 November 1989
– Mimi: I feel more and more alone, always indisposed.
I am more sensitive to all my surroundings. Certain persons have a way of wounding me by their attitude, either by their silence, or by being too direct in their words. Yet, the situation is serious enough without my being wounded besides. Why hurt me? I’ve had enough! I no longer have confidence in beautiful words, no matter how charming to try helping me offer everything up. Under the pretext of being understanding, these persons don’t understand a thing. Only pride or ignorance can make them talk this way.
Monday 20 November 1989
– Mimi: “My God, what do you want from me?”
In seven (7) days, it will be two (2) months that I have been experiencing the second fall (27 September). I should say 2 months that I feel like I am dying. The agony is so long, my eyes seem closed to everything. My poor wounded heart is hardly beating. And to think that in the past, it used to beat so loudly because there was so much love. By living this intimacy with this Jesus that I loved so much, my heart would beat so loudly that I thought I was going to die of love. Today, this poor heart has to beat, beat endlessly for what? For nothing, it has no longer anything to give, nor to receive. Only death will be welcome.
Tuesday 21 November 1989
– Mimi: Communion has become more and more difficult for me. I have to make a discernment. Receive the body of Christ in faith and obedience? Or receive communion without faith, out of obedience and commit a sacrilege? The situation is so ridiculous that I should not ask questions. It is only intelligent persons who seek and ask questions. The innocent don’t ask anything, advice, etc. From now on, I should remain silent and say nothing, nor write anything. It is useless since I never get an answer. In doing this, I would be the only one keeping the silence of the innocent.
Special : 30 November 1989
Feast of Saint André
– John Cornwell: came to see Georgette Faniel. During mass, the Eternal Father had this message for him :
– The Eternal Father: “Mary and I were rejoicing in seeing our son kneeling before the real presence of Jesus. And I placed my hand on him to give him a special blessing, granting him all the necessary grace in his work and on all those he is carrying in his heart. And his prayer and everything will be answered in all that he will demand according to his faith and confidence. He will experience joyful days.”
Message received by Mimi. It had been two months that she had not heard the voice of the Eternal Father.
We were discussing with John Cornwell and commenting on how Georgette imagined the Eternal Father. She represented him with a body. I told him that it was not theological : the representation that you have may be under a human aspect, but it is a vision adapted to our own imagination.
– Suddenly the Eternal Father told him: “What prevents theologians from believing that I am a living being with a body, since my Son identifies himself with me. Instead of discussing this, pray to the Holy Spirit.”
During the exchange with John Conwell of London, the devil tried to choke Mimi for he didn’t want Father Guy to speak about Mary and Medjugorje. So he attacked Mimi. I prayed and made the sign of the cross and in reciting the “Hail Mary”, he left her.
7 December 1989
– Jesus asked Mimi: “Pray so that Monsignor Zanic will go to Rome to invite the Holy Father to come to Medjugorje.”
22 December 1989
– The Eternal Father: “My dear little girl, what rejoices my heart is the perfume of your prayer ascending towards me and the love of your soul that does not wither. Yes, little immortal white rose that I offer Mary.”
During the murders at the polytechnic (University).
“I was looking at the state of the victims and the essential is that they are the children of Mary.”
Good Friday
3 April 1989
She was looking at a small luminous cross that Fayez had brought her (cross of his first communion.)
– Jesus: “I want you to carry my cross with me to console me and in a spirit of sacrifice, give back the cross to Fayez.”
– Mimi kissed the cross: “You are asking me the detachment from this cross. When Fayez will look at this cross, may he think of your glorious cross.”
